Life as an Asian-American Mommy

I read an article from the Asian Reporter regarding Asian American Motherhood. I found it quite fascinating because it hit "home" for me. The complexities of motherhood paired with being Asian-American are not discussed or shared. What is life like through the lens of an Asian-American mommy?

Since childhood, the values of working hard and respecting my elders seemed apparent, translucent, and understood. As I reached my adolescent years, experiencing guilt, shame, and emotions were something less tolerated or accepted. The early experiences of racial discrimination beginning in elementary school have left invisible scars. While growing up, there were times that I had hoped to relinquish my Chinese heritage in order to be truly assimilated to the dominant white culture. It just seemed easier.

There is the expectation of being Asian American that you are smart, educated, ambitious, hard working, goal-oriented..the "perfect" model citizen. When you deviate from these perceptions, there must be something wrong. Research states that Asian Americans are less likely to seek help for their emotional or mental health problems. I wonder how many Asian Americans live by the ingrained belief system that “we don’t talk about problems.” I have witnessed the struggle between second generation youth who attempt to merge into mainstream culture and thus, develop conflicts within the family.

Attempting to reach "model minority" status can be emotionally damaging to Asian Americans. Research demonstrates that Asian Americans suffer from higher rates of stress, depression, mental illnesses, and suicide attempts in comparison to other groups. Why? Because we don't talk about our personal stuff, we don't share with others our deep concerns and feelings. Thus, not allowing ourselves to get a new, different, and fresh perspective. The self talk we "hear" can be distorted ideas and beliefs. Through talk therapy, we can allow ourselves to identify and work on changing those irrational ideas and beliefs to being more positive and healthier.

I have read numerous books and research articles on best practices for positive parenting. And, I have to admit...there have been a few times that I detoured from expert advice on issues like the "binky" and cosleeping. Guess what? My child is fine and thriving.

Parenting is challenging and yet so rewarding. Through the lens of an Asian-American mommy, there is definite guilt associated with how to be the BEST MOMMY for my child. This present guilt stems from earlier experiences. And awareness allows me to deal with the guilt and not let it overcome me. I want to spend enough time with her. I want to expose her to all types of social emotional learning activities. I want to raise her with values that I learned from my family. And I want to encourage emotional expression and TALK. Looking back on what I have learned from "walking the talk", I am definitely proud to be an Asian-American Mommy.

If you are dealing with emotional distress, I encourage you to reach out and seek help. You don't have to "make it" alone. Look forward to hearing your stories of Asian-American Mommyhood.